Reflection 2019

The good ole days are gone.

Let’s be honest, they’re best left alone.

But I still love you.

However I keep that to myself.. cause I know it doesn’t matter.

Everything I tried to do was taken out of context.

You thought it didn’t matter to me, You cant  be more wrong as there won’t be a next… not for me.

I struggle with expressing myself in real life cause I never seem to have the right words

But not you, you seem to always know what to say even when it cuts me like a sword.

You never saw the pain I suffered at your heart & hands.

After all I’m simply human, but even worse just a man.

I should be able to stand attacks on all sides & never show any sign of pain or hurt.

What you never understood off my back , I would’ve given you my shirt.

But this society only wants men who are tall, dark & handsome.

Oh let’s not forget the most important… sense of humor!

Why am I so sure ? After reading thousands of women’s profiles.

I see it as a fact not a rumor.

As of Jan 2019, the hopeless romantic has retired from the game.

I finally accepted the harsh truth, as I’m currently equipped love has only left me in extreme amounts of pain.  I accept 1000% of the responsibility for who I am.

Undesirable, Un-loveable, un-friend able… if not for Jesus.. one of the damned!

However I will not pass this onto another as I have no heirs.

My bloodline & the suffering & isolation ends when I transition to the next plane.

So to my unborn son this pain will never be theirs.

While to anyone who reads this you might see hurt, pain or maybe even regret.

Quite the contrary, knowing the next few decades will pass quickly & I will transition alone.

My faith is Christ is on the other side to greet me & I’ll finally be able to rest.

DC

© Feb 2019

 

Written today (7 Feb 19) at work inspired while listening to Inside out by Genesis.  One of my fav old skool songs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-IpCQp5Wdw

The Match II

Be sure to read The Match part 1 first.  That way U’ll have context for this. 😉

Clouds of black smoke, where did the kid go?  It’s time to shed some light into the purpleside.  There is the sound of music and animals all around yet not a sign of human life.  Why?  In the darkness I see a light.  It’s the kid!  “Why are you here?”  What?  “How did you get here?”  The kid asked.  “Why do you choose to live here kid, no one else is here?’”  Yet I can hear music for miles.  “Sit, I will tell you a tale…”

Time upon a once there lived a kid.  A very happy kid who had parents that cared.  Something happened, what once was happy, now was in misery.  A parent left, so now he only had one.  For this I tell from rumor not memory.  So I turned to others for the love I felt was missing.  Each time it ended in pain, each time the kid grew a little colder.  For all he wanted was someone to love and someone to love him.  Nothing more.  He got neither.  It’s like giving bread to the hungry; they eat for a while then the pain returns.  He never gave up though!  Enter Elecktra. Continue reading “The Match II”

Farewell

Time waits for no one.  Yet I waited for the chance that you would see me.

Now I have to go, and that’s not even a possibility.

I know so much about you spoken from your lips.

I still think back to that day in Nov., when we shared our first kiss.

You drove off so quickly… flustered from what had just taken place.

I know you’d never admit it; however, I can still see the expression on your face.

I have looked at you as time has passed, and watched you change, even the times it was ever so little.

No matter to me you were quite beautiful!

I have said this many times, and I know you don’t want to believe it.

Think I have no reason to lie to you, since even with the truth, I won’t profit.

These words you won’t read, until I leave LA for good.

I guess what my sister said was true: I have a capacity to love that she doesn’t understand.

I even remember that day you introduced me as your trainer, not your friend.

Overlooked, the fact that hurt quite a bit- after all, I thought we were closer than that.

However alcohol brings out the truth, often it feels like you’re being smacked.

If you’re wondering why I never brought it up; or mentioned it to any real degree.

Best explained by the song “I can’t make you love me.””

I tried to be there for you, and show you how much I cared, but I am not forcing myself upon anyone, especially you. Continue reading “Farewell”

Why am I here?

why are we here on planet earth… to connect.

From the hundreds of conversations with my fellow-men and women, 
and the lack of communication between the sexes. 

It was written for the non-player male and female, from a male perspective. 
You know, that person at your job, school, gym, nightclub or wherever. 
The one who doesn’t have all the smooth, charming words to say, at just 
the perfect time, just to  keep you laughing. Or the person who is a good person,
but a little shy around people they don’t know. 

For this who, if you got to know them they might show you life  from a different 
perspective. As a society, let’s stop judging the book by its cover. 
 
Funny thing is; a lot of women think real men don’t get hurt, cry or experience 
a heart-break. Well, that’s not true at all! Now, we may not show this side 
to you, but it does exist. 

Sadly, society tells men, (or shall I say little boys) to ignore their feelings. 
If a little girl falls down, people run to see if she’s ok. She’s also typically 
referred to as, ‘Princess’, ‘Baby girl’ or ‘Angel.’ 
 
Flip side-- if a boy falls down, he’s typically told, “Boy, get up you’re not hurt!”, 
and he’s called little man.  As they grow older, some women experience let down  
and heartbreak. Their friends spend countless hours encouraging them to express 
themselves emotionally.  This usually lends itself to a quicker healing, and a  
general feeling of support. 

Conversely, when boys suffer heart ache/sadness, his friends say encouraging 
things like, “You’re better off without her!”, or my personal  favorite; 
“There are other fish in the sea.” Ignoring the fact that this particular fish 
is the one you desire. 

So fast forward several years,--both sexes, are living life. One day 
they end up married. Now suddenly the man is expected to express himself as 
well as the woman.  Remember now, she has spent her lifetime expressing herself. 
Normally, men aren’t very good communicators--we just like to ‘Fix It.’ 
No matter what it is, from the car, to the house, to our beloved problems,  
no matter how big or small… much to the dismay of our loved ones. 
They just want him to listen, empathize and  sympathize with her. 

With that said, my goal is to show that men do have a full range of emotions; 
although we’re better at  repressing or ignoring than showing them. 
It’s a double-edged sword unfortunately; if you get too emotional,  
you’re labeled as soft or gay. So this is for all, my brothers out there 
that can’t seem to say the right thing, or get her to understand how you feel. 
Hopefully there  will be a poem(s) that can help you communicate how you feel. 
If not in this book, then maybe in my next book(s)! 

On a final note, all of these poems are true and based on something that 
happened in my life at some  point. The names of the guilty have been changed, 
but  the essence is still intact. In some of my poems it may  appear that I 
have given up hope. At the moment in  time when it was written, 
my faith in love had floundered; however;I realized, through my pain that  
love is an extremely powerful force. And love will always prevail. 

I hope you enjoy reading this, and that it helps someone out there who may 
be struggling through a tough period in their life. Most of us have suffered 
from loneliness, or not knowing just how to connect. You are not alone! 
Even if none of your friends can fathom the depths of your pain. 
I have been there and you too  can overcome, just keep your faith and your 
eyes focused on Jesus Christ. 

Don't get hung up on my beliefs.  I identify as a Christian, but have studied
Catholicism, been a Muslim.  I've studied most of the world religion & whatever
you choose to believe or not believe is your personal choice.  I'm not here to
judge you.  For me in the end, it's all about love & acceptance!!  
We have far to many things in common that to focus on the difference & allow
that to tear us apart.©

Love & Light,
DC