Category: Reflection

I still love you 

I keep living a lie that & that breaks my heart makes me wanna die
A generational curse that I’m gonna break with my demise.
No More O+> bloodline, no more pain or left unsaid lies.
My past as a child is a mystery 2 me.
No1 older will speaks on it.  I watch the walls go up as they stare at me….
They want to let it be.
In their choice of silence they choose 2 kill me. I can’t fix what i  don’t know about.
U WERE my family, U were supposed 2 protect the innocent. 
Just know U ensured a lifetime of doubt.
I live tormented, suffering alone in silence. 1 Failed relationship after another. 
Buts its all good cos U have Ur family… Ur legacies.
So in the end, it will end as it always has been it’ll just be me
I don’t know how 2 accept love or caring… it feels strange.
I know how 2 give till my heart bleeds & their is nothing left in me.
Its a choice I make/made.  A lesson that i can’t break out of.
I sleep less than 3 hours a day now.
The pressure keeps increasing day after day.
A pressure cooker waiting to implode. 
Which will yet another story that is left untold
How 2 end this??…. 
Not all quiet people are angry or upset.  Maybe they are broken, hurting & so tired of reaching out only 2 be rejected again.
In that their silence has become their only solace & friend.
DC
Love & Light
  © Oct 2019
inspired by the song of the same name by Kiss… unplugged.
It was blasting in my headphones trying to drown out the worlds noise.  Instead this came out thru teary eyes & a tormented soul….
This is about no one specific.  i am not caring a torch 4 anyone. 
I know the truth about what i am. 
So tired of being accused on being stuck on someone. 
Truth of it is if i let any1 get 2 close & they see beneath the surface the leave all on their own.
Like i said I know what i am & that in the end makes them run 4 the hills. 
I get it, but i cant run from what I am….
RIP Purple Yoda: Prince  Miss Ur nu music man
Welcome 2 the Dawn!

Reflection 2019

The good ole days are gone.

Let’s be honest, they’re best left alone.

But I still love you.

However I keep that to myself.. cause I know it doesn’t matter.

Everything I tried to do was taken out of context.

You thought it didn’t matter to me, You cant  be more wrong as there won’t be a next… not for me.

I struggle with expressing myself in real life cause I never seem to have the right words

But not you, you seem to always know what to say even when it cuts me like a sword.

You never saw the pain I suffered at your heart & hands.

After all I’m simply human, but even worse just a man.

I should be able to stand attacks on all sides & never show any sign of pain or hurt.

What you never understood off my back , I would’ve given you my shirt.

But this society only wants men who are tall, dark & handsome.

Oh let’s not forget the most important… sense of humor!

Why am I so sure ? After reading thousands of women’s profiles.

I see it as a fact not a rumor.

As of Jan 2019, the hopeless romantic has retired from the game.

I finally accepted the harsh truth, as I’m currently equipped love has only left me in extreme amounts of pain.  I accept 1000% of the responsibility for who I am.

Undesirable, Un-loveable, un-friend able… if not for Jesus.. one of the damned!

However I will not pass this onto another as I have no heirs.

My bloodline & the suffering & isolation ends when I transition to the next plane.

So to my unborn son this pain will never be theirs.

While to anyone who reads this you might see hurt, pain or maybe even regret.

Quite the contrary, knowing the next few decades will pass quickly & I will transition alone.

My faith is Christ is on the other side to greet me & I’ll finally be able to rest.

DC

© Feb 2019

 

Written today (7 Feb 19) at work inspired while listening to Inside out by Genesis.  One of my fav old skool songs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-IpCQp5Wdw

The Match II

Be sure to read The Match part 1 first.  That way U’ll have context for this. 😉

Clouds of black smoke, where did the kid go?  It’s time to shed some light into the purpleside.  There is the sound of music and animals all around yet not a sign of human life.  Why?  In the darkness I see a light.  It’s the kid!  “Why are you here?”  What?  “How did you get here?”  The kid asked.  “Why do you choose to live here kid, no one else is here?’”  Yet I can hear music for miles.  “Sit, I will tell you a tale…”

Time upon a once there lived a kid.  A very happy kid who had parents that cared.  Something happened, what once was happy, now was in misery.  A parent left, so now he only had one.  For this I tell from rumor not memory.  So I turned to others for the love I felt was missing.  Each time it ended in pain, each time the kid grew a little colder.  For all he wanted was someone to love and someone to love him.  Nothing more.  He got neither.  It’s like giving bread to the hungry; they eat for a while then the pain returns.  He never gave up though!  Enter Elecktra. Continue reading “The Match II”

Farewell

Time waits for no one.  Yet I waited for the chance that you would see me.

Now I have to go, and that’s not even a possibility.

I know so much about you spoken from your lips.

I still think back to that day in Nov., when we shared our first kiss.

You drove off so quickly… flustered from what had just taken place.

I know you’d never admit it; however, I can still see the expression on your face.

I have looked at you as time has passed, and watched you change, even the times it was ever so little.

No matter to me you were quite beautiful!

I have said this many times, and I know you don’t want to believe it.

Think I have no reason to lie to you, since even with the truth, I won’t profit.

These words you won’t read, until I leave LA for good.

I guess what my sister said was true: I have a capacity to love that she doesn’t understand.

I even remember that day you introduced me as your trainer, not your friend.

Overlooked, the fact that hurt quite a bit- after all, I thought we were closer than that.

However alcohol brings out the truth, often it feels like you’re being smacked.

If you’re wondering why I never brought it up; or mentioned it to any real degree.

Best explained by the song “I can’t make you love me.””

I tried to be there for you, and show you how much I cared, but I am not forcing myself upon anyone, especially you. Continue reading “Farewell”

Eternal Romantic

What has happened to our world, it’s gone astray?

I can remember a time when my biggest problem was finding someone to come outside and play.

Now life has become a series of complications and very little fun.

I wish I could go back to the days when I was still young.

Why can’t Good men seem to hook up with good  women?

I guess if you look deep enough it goes back to Adam,  Eve and the time of the beginning.

Female friends tell me they want to be wined, dined and  generally romanced.

Now I’m willing; but how can I if you won’t give me the  chance?

See I was created to be an Eternal Romantic. Continue reading “Eternal Romantic”

Your most valuable asset

Do you know what your most valuable asset is?

it’s not money, books, looks or anything that you’ve been told it is.
In reality your most valuable asset is time. The one thing that you can’t control. We all get the same 24 hours per day.

How are you spending it? Are you investing in yourself?
What did you learn today that you didn’t know yesterday?

Will tomorrow arrive & you are the same ole you?
Or will today you invest in yourself & be a better version of yourself tomorrow? Doesn’t have to be big investment of time. If you only make a .5% increase per day how far will you go in 30 days?

 

 

Love & Light,

DC