This will more than likely be controversial, you will more than likely even hate it maybe even me. But what it is not is me bashing or putting women down AT ALL. I actually like & love woman.This is also directed at heterosexual woman who desire to be with a man. I have nothing against lesbian women, gay men, transgenders or any other titles that are out there.
I believe live & let live.
That being said, let’s get into this. 😉
I’ve done online dating in some form for decades. I recall when they were little ads in the newspapers. Lol However after reading literally thousands of profiles of women, I noticed a trend. Most women want a good man or so it seems. But what constitutes a good man in the eyes of a woman??
As human beings we all have preferences for everything…. Dating is no different. But I challenge to you think about this & ask yourself a brutally honest question. Have my preferences become my standard?
Have I’ve actually gotten my list of preferences & still didn’t have a real soul connection with that guy even though he checked off 80%+ of your list.
Here’s what I’ve seen primarily what’s look for in a man. Please be tall, I love to wear heels!! Have a career that he’s passionate about. Have drive & ambition, be well traveled, have really good grammar: know the difference between your & you’re etc. I even saw some that stated how big a shoe he has to wear as well. Like to go out, but love to stay in as well. Don’t be a picky eater. Have a big appetite cause I love to eat. I kid you not I pulled this verbatim off profiles & not just a single one. I find most of them a bit humorous.
But I get it when you’re sitting in the comfort of your own home dreaming of the ideal mate… you can make an incredible wish list. Although I highly doubt most men will ever be able to live up to it. I’ve seen some women on these sites for years. OK, I think you get the point.
Online dating is a great tool, but not everyone takes great pictures. Not everyone is good at talking about themselves. I tell you this about me, I could take 100 pics & I’d be lucky to find five that I actually liked.
Yes, I’m hypercritical of myself as I know you only get one chance to make a first impression. Being online if anything you don’t like… swipe & off to the next profile. Now before you get all mad at me remember I’m sure guys do plenty of insane stuff as well. But seeing that I’m not interested in them I don’t go looking at their profiles. 😉
But I’ve seen some of my friends profile who do really well online & their profiles are so sparse I would think they don’t get any matches. I WAS WRONG!!
Two guys come to mind as one night we were hanging out & the night morphed into let’s bang on DC night. They ripped apart my pictures, what I wrote… basically my entire profile. Lol It was so bad that our other friend who was there said “dayum, leave him/me alone!” I took it all in stride as I assumed it was all done in love…. I hope!! Lol
Anyway I asked to see there profiles. My jaw dropped. The 1st guy, let’s call him Mike, he had 1 picture in his profile of him sitting in the driver seat holding the phone in his left hand over the passenger seat. Back against the door right arm on the driver window ledge IE selfie with no flash. The picture was kinda dark. I only knew it was him cause I know what he looks like, oh yeah he was also pointing at the camera. The only writing under this single pic was “6’ 185 lbs” That’s it nothing else. Now I was suspect & asked “did you get any matches?” He hands me the phone & I clicked the match icon & I kid you not he had hundreds of matches. I was blown away. You could barely see his face & only one pic. Now my curiosity is peaked. I thought this has to be a fluke. So I asked the second guy for his phone. Now Gill had a few pics & to be honest he could be a model. But he had pretty much the same thing in the description his height & weight. Nothing about himself. I looked at his matches & after scrolling thru the pics after 5 or 6 swipes & they were still going. I said ok guys, take my phone & you do the profile you obviously know something I don’t. They redid it, I totally hated it, but I’m always down to learn something new. Needless to say, the lesson I learned was the same one I had been learning all along. 🙂
Welcome to my mind & all the tangents it takes randomly… next time you’re in a bookstore take a look at the magazines geared toward women. Specifically look at magazines geared toward black women vs non-black women. The titles of the articles are night & day. Cosmo type will have titillating titles like “how to find & keep a man”, “find his secret erogenous zones” etc However Essence will have title like “how to have a happy life single.” “Why life is better single why you don’t need a man”
To me it’s as plan as the words on this screen society is brainwashing people to believe this or that. Most times it’s not to your advantage, but someone else’s
Again this is the inner view of a few men I talked to personally over the years. To give you some characteristics of the men I talked to all of them are employed full time, some are married, single or in exclusive relationships. They range in height from 5’5” to 6’4’.
Salaries are $50k per year & up into 6 figures. Some have kids, others don’t. All have reliable means of transportation: car or SUV. Some have motorcycles & other toys. Some own their own homes or condos others are renting. So overall I would say pretty good guys.
Ladies, as a man I know that you don’t NEED me. To be honest, I don’t want you to need me. Why? That means I can never die. As health conscious as I am, as much as I work out & take care of myself. I still haven’t found the key to being immortal. For me, if I knew you needed me & if something happened to me you wouldn’t be ok! I would never rest in peace. So the need or desire to keep telling me that you don’t need me is actually hurtful. My question then becomes what message are really trying to tell me?
Here’s what a man wants from you… he wants to be WANTED by you. Not just to take out the trash or fix this or that. I’m going to violate man code & share something with you that I shouldn’t, but I want to start to mend this divide I see between the sexes.
Men typically don’t have confidants. Our boys, homey often times don’t know our deeps hurts, insecurities or pain. We will share that with our mates & want to if we know it won’t be used against us later. IE being called weak, a punk or the dreaded p*&%y!
Ladies when your man truly loves you, you have the power to lift him up or destroy him. I’ve seen quite a few good men turn bad due to being destroyed by their wives in a divorce or horrible break up. Remember men don’t have typically anyone to turn to for help.
If they show this weakness it considered bad. So many suffer in silence & end up with health issues down the line. Am I saying it’s all women’s fault absolutely not! But you have more power than you realize & the average man isn’t willing to be vulnerable enough to share it with you. Unless he knows he can trust you with a secret he’d take to the grave than have it come back & bite him in the arse.
I hear women refer to themselves as a Queen. Ok, I’ll give you that, but what is a queen without her king. Ladies, you’re not weak for wanting a man to share your life with. Society might say that, but its utter crap. I hear woman saying where did all the men go?
Well they were sent away essentially by society. Masculinity is almost villianize in western society. I’ve heard people blaming feminist & the movement that started in the 60’s. While maybe, just maybe that played a part, but I don’t think it’s the real reason. I believe it started long before that. WW1 & WW2 is where I believe it all started. Think about this prior to those wars life was more agricultural. Meaning dad worked on the farm all day the kids helped & mom took care of the house & feeding her family. Everyone was equal, but they were very different. The great wars happened & men had to go off to fight. Well the jobs that were left behind still needed to get done. Also ammunition & equipment for the wars needed to be made as well. Women stepped up & filled in the gap while men were off fighting.
In times of war, you can’t have feelings you need to be trained to turn them off. I mean how else can you justify all the killing done in the name of your country…. Whether you believe in it or not. You have a job to do.
Once the wars were over & men came home their wives had a taste of independence even if it forced upon her at first. So fast forward & you have men & women competing for the same jobs. But when you add in the message that men aren’t need any longer it’s recipe for disaster & what we’re seeing present day society. However for life to continue you still need to have a woman & man come together. I am not saying a gay couple can’t be great parents. But to bring a child into the physical plane, God intended for the union of man & women to create it. But I digress, getting back to women being queens. If you want your man to step up & be the man, be your king! Allow me to ask this question how do you treat & talk to him? Do you treat & talk to him as King? Or is it a tone of disappointment & condescension? I get it people in a relationship will let you down, break your heart, hurt your feelings. Can you separate the persons behavior from who they are as a person. As hard as that may seem my guess is most times whatever the person is doing they aren’t doing it to hurt you personally. If they are go find someone else immediately!!
This has managed to go on longer than I wanted & I still have much to say, But I’m not happy with quality of relationships I see. People put on happy faces, fake smiles & sedate themselves with TV, alcohol, work, porn anything besides facing the problems head on. I get it how do you confront the love of your life & tell them you’re not happy & have a constructive conversation, but that’s what needs to happen…. Conversation. We need to get back to valuing people over money, cars, clothes.
I’ll end with this something to think about… What’s the one thing you NEVER see in a funeral procession?
A U-haul truck!! None of the stuff we buy is coming with us to the afterlife. Only people who’s life you touch in some way will be there. Some will be happy you’re gone. Others will miss you until they see you again on the other side.
Think about it 🙂 I love you & there’s nothing you can do about it!
Love & Light
DC
Thoughts of a Mad Man... 