Month: August 2024

28 March 2024

It’s been 3 years since U went home.
I’ve spent almost every day & night since then alone.
I suffer in silence cos I know no1 really cares.
In reality, its fine, I hide behind the hidden tears.
I’ve tried 2 share my pian with others 2 no avail.
In the end, it’s just some old so-called friends 4 sale.
I hope Ur happy & find peace in the afterlife.
I pretend I’m ok 2 others, how I awake each morning is just a roll of the dice.
I miss U so much; I listen 2 the voicemails U left long ago.
Just 2 hear Ur voice & lie 2 myself that my heart isn’t just broken, ya know?
1st I lost Prince, then DMX nothing prepared me 4 U would b next.
Why does God need those I like the most, I’m simply perplexed?
Perhaps He sees what I see & wants U next 2 Him.
Why can’t I come & b with U all?  I’m tired of being alone & want 2 be a part of “them”
But it seems I’m not just a bad guy, but a monster!
A person no1 wants 2 be around unless its 2 take or ask 4 favors that benefit only them.
My phone only rings now when folks have a need that’s 4 sure.
I take all the blame, after all I made this life.
It’s no wonder why no woman wants 2 b with me or b my wife!
I’m not tall, dark, handsome, or rich.
I’m not super outgoing, I don’t make 6 figures not even close 2 6’.  So I can’t even trip.
Women prefer what they do & that’s not me.
I just have 2 find peace in walking alone cos that’s just how it will be.

DC ©2024

July 2023

When a boy is born 2 this world, his value is zero.
Society & especially women will teach him if he wants approval, he best become some kinda hero.
Problem is that’s hard 4 a male 2 do. As the criteria is more about genetics than who U are.
Be good looking, be 6’+, have 6-pack abs, make 6 figure income & that considered the min by far.
But Ur female friends will lie 2 Ur face.
Tell U 2  just be who U are cos the 1 4 U will fall n2 place.
Most men believe this as gospel truth.  But look at their actions & not their words.
Who they hook up with, get in2 relationships with.. The Chads, Pookie’s & Ray Ray’s who will tell them anything they wanna hear no matter how absurd.
Their date card will be full & overflowing with opportunities 2 do any & everything.
While the normal avg guy, U will spend more time playing with their own thang.
This isn’t regulated 2 young guys either.  Old guys are not immune 2 the game.
The difference is the lack of game & experience bumps lost 2 a whole notha level not 2 mention the shame.
Pick the wrong 1 & U lose half of everything U ever worked 4.  And if Ur really lucky U get 2 pay her 4 the rest of Ur life.
Wait, quit a company, U may get unemployment 4 a few mos & they got millions.  Get a divorce now Ur life is a broken mess filled with strife.
I guess I’ve been lucky in a way.
Those I like didn’t want 2 ever know my name.  But let it be some1 I’m not interested in at all.  All of sudden I’m a liar & playin game!
I was never interested in beyond being a friend. U pushed 4 more & more hence why I hit THE END!
After 5 decades of dating, I’ve discovered when a man becomes a fool.
I still believe in love, which now is just a set up 2 be used.
The only unconditional love I’ve ever l known died on 5.29.21.
I wasn’t & still ain’t ready 4 the pain that has left me undone.
My picker in women is broken.  I cant trust my own judgement.  And friends look 4 women they scrape off their shoes 2 hook me up with.
Why I ask why her?  Cos they have seen & met the women I’ve dated. 
Their answers in a roundabout way, “something is betta than nothing!:
I would disagree!  Attraction has 2 b there in the beginning.  Or maybe that’s just anotha thing I’m doing wrong?
July 17, 2023 is a day written in stone.
The day I made peace with I would die alone.
Friendship in LA is a different animal.
Never as 4 anything, text only & leave them alone.  Now U friends 4 sho!
My version of friendship is old & outdated.  Maybe never existed.  Prolly much like me a scream held 2 long!
I lack the words 2 make any1 see what this life has been 2 me.
I’m not smart enough 2 learn the lesson God wants me 2.
So I go thru ground hogs day. I can see its been decades.  I don’t know what 2 do.
If I like anything 2 much its called home or has 2 end.  Prince , DMX, Mama Fran all the while I still stand.
Seems like the this fool will never b a man!

DC ©2023

27 Feb 2024

Some days come & go & they never get a 2^nd thought.

Others came & things happen that make U wish U never got outta bed.

On those special days when everything is right & U feel great. Sadly those days cant b bought!

On the days when things go awry from the start & U wonder would I actually be better off dead?

My life since a child seems 2 be a repeat of the same song.

The best way I can think 2 say it “welcome 2 the dawn.”

I come 2 realize & accept that my definition of a friend doesn’t seem 2 xist anymore.

I haven’t evolved with the times.  Opportunities rarely happen.  I don’t seem 2 have the key 2 the door.

May 28, 2021, July 17, 2023, Feb 27, 24 three dates that changed how I see my life.

Traumatic days used 2 happen very rarely 2 me.

Cause I know love is pain.

It’s been 14 years; I know I’ll never see U again.

Promise me that U’ll be ok. 

By Ur silence U agree & this will be my last Mei Day.

I’m trying 2 be ok, but 2 much lost has broken me.

Thru all the tears its hard 4 me 2 see.

I never thought I’d have 2 stop loving U again.

Am I so bad that I can’t have love or even real friends?

I sit & stare at nothing as the days pass into years.

I can’t seem 2 figure out why I can’t have that of my peers.

I’ve stopped trying 2 communicate since I seem 2 say the wrong thing.

My intent is never 2 harm, but my words miscommunication they bring.

All I can say is sorry 2 those who ever had 2 deal with me.

Now I strive 2 live like a ghost, someone invisible 2 Ur reality.

Perhaps my brain is broken & I should’ve never actually existed…

my thoughts R more twisted than I imagined.

Have I always been this way…?

DC ©2024

7 Aug 2024

Saw U at the gym, U walked right by me.
Beauty Xquiste! How can I make us be?
Can’t sleep at night, Ur invading my dreams
U know who I wanna b… love of Ur life.. Ur everything!

Fantasy, when I saw U, Need 2 meet U!
Touch me, So I know that Ur real
Fantasy, got 2 train U, can’t 4get U
Touch me, So I know that Ur real

Girl Ur 2 fine, a beauty I rarely see.
I’m selfish & only want U 4 me.
Ride of die 4 life until all eternity.
Me 4 U & U 4 me that’s just how its gotta be!

Fantasy, when I saw U, Need 2 meet U!
Touch me, So I know that Ur real
Fantasy, got 2 train U, can’t 4get U
Touch me, So I know that Ur real

DC ©2024

The backstory: Inspired by Daydreaming by Nxworries. 

Written about a woman at my gym, C.  I noticed her the 1^st time I saw her years ago.  I “thought” I saw her staring my way a few times & approached her 2 ask what were her goals at the gym?  She was doing an exercise ineffectively, so I showed her a better way 2 do it.  Which in her words she could tell the difference.  Couple of days later I saw her again & asked her what was she training that day & then proceeded to train her on the body parts she was training 2 show her different exercises than she may have been doing.  She appeared 2 njoi the session.  Turned out she had a BF.  At this point, I hadn’t tried 2 hit on her at all.  I can respect the fact that she has a BF.  I saw her a few days later… she walked past me as if she never saw me b4 & that the training sessions never happened.  In light of the METOO movement, false accusations etc.  Did not bother 2 press the issues.  If she wants 2 ignore me so be it.  Fast 4ward 2 2024 I see her back at the gym again.  Same thing, I see her looking my way or my direction at the gym.  I wont say she is looking at me.  She acts as if she doesn’t know who I am.  She has walked by me, cut me off no eye contact, no smile, no acknowledgement of my xistence.  I already had another issue with a woman lying on me at the gym & I am not trying 2 lose my gym membership cos I think a woman is attractive.  So I heard this song by NXworries.  Its older, but this is what I was inspired 2 write.  She will never see it.  But 4 what’s its worth the nrg has been put out there.  I’ll simply njoi looking at her from a distance.  Welcome 2 the Dawn.