Farewell

Time waits for no one.  Yet I waited for the chance that you would see me.

Now I have to go, and that’s not even a possibility.

I know so much about you spoken from your lips.

I still think back to that day in Nov., when we shared our first kiss.

You drove off so quickly… flustered from what had just taken place.

I know you’d never admit it; however, I can still see the expression on your face.

I have looked at you as time has passed, and watched you change, even the times it was ever so little.

No matter to me you were quite beautiful!

I have said this many times, and I know you don’t want to believe it.

Think I have no reason to lie to you, since even with the truth, I won’t profit.

These words you won’t read, until I leave LA for good.

I guess what my sister said was true: I have a capacity to love that she doesn’t understand.

I even remember that day you introduced me as your trainer, not your friend.

Overlooked, the fact that hurt quite a bit- after all, I thought we were closer than that.

However alcohol brings out the truth, often it feels like you’re being smacked.

If you’re wondering why I never brought it up; or mentioned it to any real degree.

Best explained by the song “I can’t make you love me.””

I tried to be there for you, and show you how much I cared, but I am not forcing myself upon anyone, especially you.

For whatever reason you weren’t digging my flow so there really wasn’t much I could do.

You even admitted that in my actions towards you I’m quite loving.

Love by your own admission you don’t deserve-that leaves you feeling guilty.

Baby, look at me; do you think that is what I intended it to be?

Many things I wanted to share with you even though we only ever spoke of a few.

For us to experience them all, the time would’ve had to increase spent with just us two.

I could’ve written you endless poems to tell u how I feel about you.

Paint a picture using only words to touch the romantic side, that doesn’t get nurtured enough.

Not to reach for you when I wanted to feel your touch.  Now, that right there, was more than tough.

To stroke your hair until your eyes closed for the night.

Awaken to breakfast in bed would be your eyes first sight.

A native to LA, a hopeless romantic, in a city where men don’t seem to be able to grasp the concept.

Yet I hung in there waiting for the day you opened to what I had to give.  All you had to do was accept.

Alas, some things may not be meant to be; I’m not mad or disappointed in how things went down.

I’ll just miss the time that we spent together, now that I’m not around.

April 2004 you called me to tell me of another of life’s doors closing.

Part of me was selfishly a little happy to see him leaving.

More so than that my heart went out to you cause I don’t like to see you hurting.

I know we all have pain we have to go through.

I just wish I could’ve lessened the pain, more times than I care to remember I’ve been there too.

Just know, I was there, if ever you needed a shoulder to cry on, or a listening ear.

That day gave me a glimmer of hope that maybe… just maybe, you finally saw something.

There are times I wished my heart, would do as my head says so.

Sadly it has a mind of its own, and loves those that only ever say No!

Loving those who will not even entertain the thought of romance.

I got put in the category of a “friend” which all men know means ‘not even a chance.’

What I struggle to understand is, don’t you want a lover who is your friend?

Someone that, even if it doesn’t last a lifetime, will be there until life’s screen reads The End.

Perhaps I live in a dream world, or a world that should be.

I tried to show you the world thru my eyes… a slightly altered reality.

You told me you wanted to quit your job so that you could be free.

To pursue the things that you thought, would truly make you happy

Dinner and a movie that didn’t get watched, a massage that didn’t get a chance to happen.

Yet at the end of the night, we were both left smiling.

I walked you to your car with your hand held tightly in mine.

Before you left you gave me a devilish smile, but wouldn’t tell me what was on your mind.

We kissed not goodbye, but until next time we see each other.

Maybe you’re starting to stand under my philosophy of ‘loveofoneanother.’

April 7, I decided to face reality instead of indulging in my fantasy…

Although you love… you don’t want me… that is romantically.

You meant so much to me that I doubt right now you could even grasp.

I am patient, and believe in you.  This is the 3rd in the trilogy; I saved the best for last.

Life is taking me in a completely new direction, and things won’t always be.

I have an idea for the times you miss… just smile to think of me.

I’ll end this with the heavy heart of a tormented artist.

There’s so much more I could say. So many things I wanted to tell, but it looks as if there’s only one thing left to say really, and that is … farewell.©

Unknown's avatar

Author: DC

A walking contradiction... What you see isn’t what you get. To get to know the essence you need to open the book and read. An enigma; giving, selfless, conceited, arrogant, loner, author, friend, confidant, trainer, model, actor, and life coach. It really depends on your relationship with him. To someone who doesn’t know him or decides to judge the book by the cover; he is viewed as conceited, arrogant or even mean. Which is the exact opposite of who he is. He’s more of a shy introvert around those he doesn’t know or isn’t comfortable with. Get below the quiet exterior and you’ll find a heart that, to know is to love. He tries to live his life literally walking in love. He would give the shirt off his back to help. Raised by his mother, with no role model on what a man should be. He set out to be different than what he saw in the community. Men who abandoned their responsibilities to pursue whatever tickled their fancy was the norm. These men didn’t care about the damage caused by their selfish actions. He thought the road would be easy, but alas, it proved him wrong. Society had changed dramatically in a short time. People seemed to perceive his love as a weakness. Or perhaps they had not come across a person, who accepts them for them. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop, they tried to manipulate a gift to their advantage. Left alone most of the time, he started to set his pain to print. Never intending for anyone to read it. However, God had a different plan in mind. He would use DC’s pain to show the women; that there are men out there, who do feel profoundly deeper than they think. To reach out to the masses that don’t know how to get others to understand what they are dealing with or have dealt with. He simply wanted to help people on a larger scale.

14 thoughts on “Farewell”

  1. It was quite long post but it was really worth reading…….. If that’s you story…. So my friend we never quite loving……. And if she doesn’t love you then its ohkay to say farewell in need to see happy but if she has feelings for you then your act of farewell will just hurt her the most…… Sorry if i have said something wrong…. That hurts you….. 😃😃
    Sanii

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    1. She was in love with another & couldn’t get over him. I was around when met the new guy too. She just didn’t feel the same about me. We’re still friends, but she married now with kids. It was written more than a decade ago. Glad you like it.

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      1. Yeah seemed the journal long back written around 2004……but still that was just the curious side….. That provoked me to comment……. But it was nice to know that love never die…… Actually i never felt it or nor did anyone for me so it was just don’t know……. But… You be happy…. Keep smiling and stay blessed…… And yeah looking forward for other posts too….. 😃😃😃
        Sanii

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      2. You’ve never felt love or been loved? Or did I misunderstand your comment? You could have a secret admirer who’s to shy to tell you they like you. Not all guys are super confident. 😉

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      3. That’s very kind of you to say that….. But that’s the truth……someone may be liked me but no one ever loved me…… Love is the feeling which you can sense even if i would have secret admirer i would have know it …..but that’s not happening…… 😃😃

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      4. Real love takes time to develop… at least that’s what I’ve found to be true in my life. Superficial infatuation is a start, but to truly love someone with all of your being means to allow oneself to be vulnerable to being hurt by the very one you love. Sadly, today a lot of people don’t want to risk being hurt. But therein lies the beauty of life how can one truly appreciate the good without experiencing the bad too? I’ve loved people who didn’t love me back & i have no regrets. Why? Because I learned something about myself that i didn’t know before i loved them. Even in the unrequited love I still learned a lesson.

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      5. Yeah…. I agree with you….. I don’t know what i feel but there is a guy i have crush or more than that from 6 years….. But he loves my best friend…… And i am happy to see both of them happy….. But still i can’t make eye contact to him…. Because when it happens….. I have that strange feel which i want to avoid…… Nd i have been hurt and abandoned by everyone……. Even my friends….. So don’t get any other feelings expect hurt and pain…… But that’s today…… Just hope i have a better tomorrow…….. 😃😃

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      6. I totally understand. I’ve been in a similar situation before to. Have you ever heard the expression “you get what you expect?”

        For years, i didn’t want to get hurt so I told myself that love, friendship etc wasn’t important. I locked my heart away in a proverbial safe place… that way no one could hurt me ever. Guess what… no one could! But what i thought was sanctuary became my own prison that I built. No one could get it, but i couldn’t get out either. Not saying that’s what you’re doing at all. I just needed to figure out what i really wanted deep down & go after that & stop caring about the consequences so much. I was avoiding being hurt so much that i wasn’t open to being loved. Tomorrow will be what you can make of it. If you say it will be better than it shall! 🙂

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      7. I really feel nice and amazing after taking to you as i am suffering from severe depression and hurt by the friends who never even called me to talk to me….. Or how i m in last 1 month it was really good to talk to feel…… I feel lighter and you are correct that’s the same i m doing to myself… Closing all the door so no one can again hurt me…… But inside i still hope that someone….. Will come one day who could take stand for me……. Seeing everyone posting on sites about how they gonna celebrate valentines day….. Gifts… Hugs… Kisses….. That make me feel sad and don’t know what…… But lets see what happens the next……. We never know whats waiting for us ahead……… And really appreciate your comments……. To my silly curiosity and sad story of longing…… That implies that you are really a good person….. Really nice to meet you…… I wish you be happy and keep smiling…… 😃😃

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      8. I’m glad & honored I was able to uplift you in some way. I’ve suffered from depression all my life. Don’t be too hard on your friends. If they are anything like mine they don’t know how to help us. They get frustrated or even angry cause they don’t truly understand that you can’t actually help it. No one wants to be sad or depressed. So they abandon us to make themselves feel better.

        I started writing to get the pain out of my head & onto paper. I found it helped as it became a cohesive thought verses a bunch of jumble up thoughts in my head.

        For someone to take a stand for you, you will have to open to them. If you’re behind closed doors they can’t find or see the real you… cause she’s hidden.
        I don’t have high hopes for V-day nor do i have any plans currently myself, but it’s a man made holiday that puts way to many expectations on people whether they are couples or singles. The trick is to not buy into what “they” say you should do or feel! If you truly love someone you should be free to express that love as much or often as YOU choose not some arbitrary date on the calendar. Back where I’m from they have “sweetest day” in sept. Hallmark created this holiday to sell cards about 30 years ago. Guess what people bought into it.

        So try to expect good things to come to you. Don’t try to figure out what they are as blessing come in many different forms… the key is to recognize the blessing when it’s in front of you.

        I think people are missing out on what we as humans are truly here for. While money, fame & material things are great what good is it to have it all with no one to truly share it with. In the end, we can’t take any of our stuff with us. our connections to others is what truly matters. If you ever get a chance to talk to someone who is elderly ask them do they have any regrets? Most will tell you they wish they had spent more time with their love ones, or had stayed in touch with them. I’ve never heard anyone say I wish I could’ve worked more or harder. lol

        Nice to meet you to Sanii! Remember expect good things to happen for & to you! Even something that you don’t like could be a blessing in disguise. 🙂

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      9. Thank you so much……. For taking time and talking to me….. And i m now smiling and that was first one since 12 hrs….. Thank you so much sir……… It really means a lot …and yeah same here i liked to read novels and write so i started penning my feeling my desire…. My frustration everything on paper….. And i will take your advice and somehow would try to be open……and hope you will see that in my posts…… Thank a lot sir….. You always be happy and…. Don’t forget to smile….. 😃😃
        Sanii

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      10. You’re so welcome Sanii! You actually helped me confirm that starting this blog was the right thing for me to do.
        My purpose & goal is to reach out & help people see they aren’t alone. That there are people who understand & relate to the things that they are going thru right now.

        You’re welcome & your message brought a smile to my face as well.

        DC

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      11. Then i think you have accomplished your mission of starting this blog….. And i am happy you helped mee…… Keep smiling and have a nice journey ahead…. 😃😃
        Sanii

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