Category: love

28 March 2024

It’s been 3 years since U went home.
I’ve spent almost every day & night since then alone.
I suffer in silence cos I know no1 really cares.
In reality, its fine, I hide behind the hidden tears.
I’ve tried 2 share my pian with others 2 no avail.
In the end, it’s just some old so-called friends 4 sale.
I hope Ur happy & find peace in the afterlife.
I pretend I’m ok 2 others, how I awake each morning is just a roll of the dice.
I miss U so much; I listen 2 the voicemails U left long ago.
Just 2 hear Ur voice & lie 2 myself that my heart isn’t just broken, ya know?
1st I lost Prince, then DMX nothing prepared me 4 U would b next.
Why does God need those I like the most, I’m simply perplexed?
Perhaps He sees what I see & wants U next 2 Him.
Why can’t I come & b with U all?  I’m tired of being alone & want 2 be a part of “them”
But it seems I’m not just a bad guy, but a monster!
A person no1 wants 2 be around unless its 2 take or ask 4 favors that benefit only them.
My phone only rings now when folks have a need that’s 4 sure.
I take all the blame, after all I made this life.
It’s no wonder why no woman wants 2 b with me or b my wife!
I’m not tall, dark, handsome, or rich.
I’m not super outgoing, I don’t make 6 figures not even close 2 6’.  So I can’t even trip.
Women prefer what they do & that’s not me.
I just have 2 find peace in walking alone cos that’s just how it will be.

DC ©2024

July 2023

When a boy is born 2 this world, his value is zero.
Society & especially women will teach him if he wants approval, he best become some kinda hero.
Problem is that’s hard 4 a male 2 do. As the criteria is more about genetics than who U are.
Be good looking, be 6’+, have 6-pack abs, make 6 figure income & that considered the min by far.
But Ur female friends will lie 2 Ur face.
Tell U 2  just be who U are cos the 1 4 U will fall n2 place.
Most men believe this as gospel truth.  But look at their actions & not their words.
Who they hook up with, get in2 relationships with.. The Chads, Pookie’s & Ray Ray’s who will tell them anything they wanna hear no matter how absurd.
Their date card will be full & overflowing with opportunities 2 do any & everything.
While the normal avg guy, U will spend more time playing with their own thang.
This isn’t regulated 2 young guys either.  Old guys are not immune 2 the game.
The difference is the lack of game & experience bumps lost 2 a whole notha level not 2 mention the shame.
Pick the wrong 1 & U lose half of everything U ever worked 4.  And if Ur really lucky U get 2 pay her 4 the rest of Ur life.
Wait, quit a company, U may get unemployment 4 a few mos & they got millions.  Get a divorce now Ur life is a broken mess filled with strife.
I guess I’ve been lucky in a way.
Those I like didn’t want 2 ever know my name.  But let it be some1 I’m not interested in at all.  All of sudden I’m a liar & playin game!
I was never interested in beyond being a friend. U pushed 4 more & more hence why I hit THE END!
After 5 decades of dating, I’ve discovered when a man becomes a fool.
I still believe in love, which now is just a set up 2 be used.
The only unconditional love I’ve ever l known died on 5.29.21.
I wasn’t & still ain’t ready 4 the pain that has left me undone.
My picker in women is broken.  I cant trust my own judgement.  And friends look 4 women they scrape off their shoes 2 hook me up with.
Why I ask why her?  Cos they have seen & met the women I’ve dated. 
Their answers in a roundabout way, “something is betta than nothing!:
I would disagree!  Attraction has 2 b there in the beginning.  Or maybe that’s just anotha thing I’m doing wrong?
July 17, 2023 is a day written in stone.
The day I made peace with I would die alone.
Friendship in LA is a different animal.
Never as 4 anything, text only & leave them alone.  Now U friends 4 sho!
My version of friendship is old & outdated.  Maybe never existed.  Prolly much like me a scream held 2 long!
I lack the words 2 make any1 see what this life has been 2 me.
I’m not smart enough 2 learn the lesson God wants me 2.
So I go thru ground hogs day. I can see its been decades.  I don’t know what 2 do.
If I like anything 2 much its called home or has 2 end.  Prince , DMX, Mama Fran all the while I still stand.
Seems like the this fool will never b a man!

DC ©2023

27 Feb 2024

Some days come & go & they never get a 2^nd thought.

Others came & things happen that make U wish U never got outta bed.

On those special days when everything is right & U feel great. Sadly those days cant b bought!

On the days when things go awry from the start & U wonder would I actually be better off dead?

My life since a child seems 2 be a repeat of the same song.

The best way I can think 2 say it “welcome 2 the dawn.”

I come 2 realize & accept that my definition of a friend doesn’t seem 2 xist anymore.

I haven’t evolved with the times.  Opportunities rarely happen.  I don’t seem 2 have the key 2 the door.

May 28, 2021, July 17, 2023, Feb 27, 24 three dates that changed how I see my life.

Traumatic days used 2 happen very rarely 2 me.

Cause I know love is pain.

It’s been 14 years; I know I’ll never see U again.

Promise me that U’ll be ok. 

By Ur silence U agree & this will be my last Mei Day.

I’m trying 2 be ok, but 2 much lost has broken me.

Thru all the tears its hard 4 me 2 see.

I never thought I’d have 2 stop loving U again.

Am I so bad that I can’t have love or even real friends?

I sit & stare at nothing as the days pass into years.

I can’t seem 2 figure out why I can’t have that of my peers.

I’ve stopped trying 2 communicate since I seem 2 say the wrong thing.

My intent is never 2 harm, but my words miscommunication they bring.

All I can say is sorry 2 those who ever had 2 deal with me.

Now I strive 2 live like a ghost, someone invisible 2 Ur reality.

Perhaps my brain is broken & I should’ve never actually existed…

my thoughts R more twisted than I imagined.

Have I always been this way…?

DC ©2024

7 Aug 2024

Saw U at the gym, U walked right by me.
Beauty Xquiste! How can I make us be?
Can’t sleep at night, Ur invading my dreams
U know who I wanna b… love of Ur life.. Ur everything!

Fantasy, when I saw U, Need 2 meet U!
Touch me, So I know that Ur real
Fantasy, got 2 train U, can’t 4get U
Touch me, So I know that Ur real

Girl Ur 2 fine, a beauty I rarely see.
I’m selfish & only want U 4 me.
Ride of die 4 life until all eternity.
Me 4 U & U 4 me that’s just how its gotta be!

Fantasy, when I saw U, Need 2 meet U!
Touch me, So I know that Ur real
Fantasy, got 2 train U, can’t 4get U
Touch me, So I know that Ur real

DC ©2024

The backstory: Inspired by Daydreaming by Nxworries. 

Written about a woman at my gym, C.  I noticed her the 1^st time I saw her years ago.  I “thought” I saw her staring my way a few times & approached her 2 ask what were her goals at the gym?  She was doing an exercise ineffectively, so I showed her a better way 2 do it.  Which in her words she could tell the difference.  Couple of days later I saw her again & asked her what was she training that day & then proceeded to train her on the body parts she was training 2 show her different exercises than she may have been doing.  She appeared 2 njoi the session.  Turned out she had a BF.  At this point, I hadn’t tried 2 hit on her at all.  I can respect the fact that she has a BF.  I saw her a few days later… she walked past me as if she never saw me b4 & that the training sessions never happened.  In light of the METOO movement, false accusations etc.  Did not bother 2 press the issues.  If she wants 2 ignore me so be it.  Fast 4ward 2 2024 I see her back at the gym again.  Same thing, I see her looking my way or my direction at the gym.  I wont say she is looking at me.  She acts as if she doesn’t know who I am.  She has walked by me, cut me off no eye contact, no smile, no acknowledgement of my xistence.  I already had another issue with a woman lying on me at the gym & I am not trying 2 lose my gym membership cos I think a woman is attractive.  So I heard this song by NXworries.  Its older, but this is what I was inspired 2 write.  She will never see it.  But 4 what’s its worth the nrg has been put out there.  I’ll simply njoi looking at her from a distance.  Welcome 2 the Dawn.

A poem written in reverse.

The love of my life died at birth.

Now I no longer question why I can’t find my mate.

We’ll never get a chance to share our 1st kiss, our 1st touch.

I never got to meet you, yet I miss you so much. Continue reading “Love life”

You broke my heart and I can still feel the pain.

From now until eternity, I will never be the same.

Why was I created?  Why was I ever born?

Not for pain and misery, to which away I can’t seem to be torn.

I’ve taken some of the strongest drugs man has made, and to sleep I can’t seem to make.

Perhaps if I put throat to blade, my pain to words may help someone. Continue reading “Sure Know Something”

Love can make you feel like you can touch the stars even walk on water.

Or it makes you feel as though you’re 20,000 leagues under the sea.

In reflection, it seems I don’t know what love is as I’m left feeling like a calf being taken to slaughter.

I had this grand illusion that if I looked hard & long enough I find someone who could love me. Continue reading “Retiring from the game…”

I spend 99% of my time alone & looking back at my life it has always been & that’s OK.

Up until recently, I just never realized I’m what society calls ugly!

Now granted I never thought I was Denzel or even Brad Pitt.

Just never really occurred to that I was so hideous I remind people of ……

But I guess it all makes sense then when  I think about it.  Continue reading “Random thoughts..”